“Roses are red, violets are blue, I love TimeZone Wrap-Up,
and –

oh, this is ridiculous!” – T.S. Eliot

Week 4/12/1999

Hi everyone. Well, what a blah
week this turned out to be. No spewing, no leaving, no fighting,
no getting mad, damn near “no nothing“, if you
ask me. Just good old-fashioned watch discourse. No themes, no
underlying currents ebbing and flowing nor anything to distinguish
dialogue from diatribe. Basically, just milk in a white glass.
What bothers me most is that you are finally figuring out how
to make my job here very difficult, and if so, that’s fine. I’ll
adapt. I need a new challenge occasionally myself just to keep
the old brainpan disinfected. So go on with your bad selves and
act like a bunch of civilized adults. See if I care. I’ll still
get you!


“Make it stop. My god, make it stop”
You know it’s a slow week when the
post that draws the most responses is one dealing with which
watch strap to wear, and Bo Hansen’s “Decisions,
” did just that. The only other topic to even
come close dealt with kinetic watches. I call these
“whizzers“. They have a little gizmo that spins
around at about 300,000 rpm, emitting one helluva high frequency
noise. Luckily we can’t hear them but I have seen dogs run out
into traffic just to end their misery. My uncle swears his Seiko
keeps mosquitoes away and I have heard of squirrels falling out
of trees. The Scandinavians are doing research now in conjunction
with their power line studies to see if these can change
the molecular structure of human tissue. I have two colleagues
at work who wear these and one is forever finding paperclips
stuck to his body. The other guy doesn’t even bother with a watchstrap,
as his just tends to stick to his wrist unassisted. Do what you
will about the kinetic, I’ll pass.


The Gruen Building in Cincinnati looms larger than life
on “Tiny Time” Hill. Photo by Ms. Lillie Pution
I’d like to comment on that Gruen
piece Paul Schliesser did the other day. I’m not saying
Paul didn’t know what he was talking about because I believe
he did. But those Gruen Building photos were just
a little misleading. Paul is pretty good with a camera
and perhaps he felt compelled to make the building a bit more
impressive than it might actually be. Just to be sure, I sent
someone I know to check it out. Here is their photo of
the building, and I don’t know about you, but I’d say it’s not
quite as large as it looked in Paul’s post! Damn good post though,
if you ask me!

 I’d like to thank my old buddy,
for policing the Bulletin Board this week. He single-handedly
had 32 posts removed Wednesday, 28 of which were mine. At least
I think I’ve figured out how to say his name: “eye-ate-hot-ums“.
Am I close?


Someone, Watchluvr I believe,
wanted to know if Zulu Time was adjusted
for Daylight Savings Time. Never actually knowing what
Zulu Time was, I felt compelled to self-educate, so through extensive
and time consuming, not to mention exhaustive research (you all
know how thorough I insist on being), I am now, perhaps, the
most knowledgeable person among you on Zulu Time. Zulu Time,
, was devised in the early 1800’s by Shaka
(seen here taking a snooze on UTC time) to support his
newly developed system of military organization, which was based
on the assumption that it might just help win battles if everyone
showed up on time. Thus, Zulu Time. This must have been
a pretty important development because our military still uses
Zulu time today and woe be unto to any soldier that should show
up late! Shaka issued Mark X’s to all of his officers
and the grunts got Hamilton railroad watches, which most
promptly sold on the black market because there was nowhere to
carry these without them banging up against some pretty important
“equipment”, if you know what I mean. This eventually
cost Shaka his influence over his rivals and he fell into obscurity,
only to emerge briefly in the 70’s as Shaka Khan,
the “one hit wonder“. The Royal Observatory
legally recognized Zulu Time in 1902, almost 100 years after
Shaka sent in his application, and designated it the official
Royal Battalion and Naval Time Measurement Scheme (RBNTS)
which remains unchanged today. For more on this fascinating subject,
may I suggest “A Day in the Life of Hans-Peter”
available at Amazon.com for

made quick work of her second watch selection this week, which
tells me she had already made up her mind before engaging us
in her little “Oh, please help me make a decision, you
big hunks of handsome men”
ploy. She played us like
a violin over that first watch, while we fell all over each other
trying to help her make her mind up. I bet she bought that Explorer
two months ago and used this little guise just to break the news
to us. I feel slightly soiled over the whole sordid affair. And
all this time I thought she was secretly addressing me! Where’s
(Seriously Stephanie, congratulations!)


“Raba 1, this
is the tower. You are cleared for takeoff. Raba 1 watch those
power LINES…oops”.

Under the “I’ve never really
liked you or watches much anyway”
category, John
advised us this week that he was “outta here, never
coming back, getting on with my life, good-bye and kiss my A*s”!
Under the “Obviously you have mistaken us for someone
who gives a sh*t”
category, we wish John well in
his future endeavors! Here we see John lifting off from TimeZone
after resigning his WIS commission to Field
Marshall and General for Life
, Richard “Zulu” Paige.

Leehu Z. from
Is-Ra-El polled the world this week on the most popular
luxury watches in various countries. While there was much ambiguity
accompanying many of the answers, the results were as follows:

  Israel – Rolex

  Finland – Rolex

  Gibraltar – Rolex

  Brazil – Rolex

  Germany – Rolex

  Italy – Rolex

  France – Rolex

  USA, by selected states:

  • Minnesota – Timex (better than
    Rolex and owned by Norwegians)

  • Colorado – Tutimex (an SKW private
    label Timex)

  • Texas – Texmex (a Timex made in

  • California – Tzonex (a non-RolexTimex,

  • Florida – Kotex (a whined-up Timex
    with a Rolex dial)

This is damn good information to have when
shopping for that next watch. Thanks!


The very first “Quattro
Pro” Winder Ensemble loading up those power reserves.

Gary Fischman
wanted to know this week why watch winders are
so expensive, and I’d like to know too! Gary, I can tell you
this. It used to cost a lot more to have your watches wound than
it does today. Years ago, before automatic equipment, those with
means had specially trained horologists to do this time consuming
task for them and, as Glen@InSync
pointed out, today’s costs have a lot to do with the old Watch
Winders Union
. Here we see the very first four-head
prototype in action which quickly proved to do little more than
keep the repairmen busy. Just be glad you don’t have to pay the
freight on these guys!


The IWC “DeepOne”.
Definitely a “blue water” watch!
I see that all of you Dive Watch
finally got a look at the new IWC “DeepOne
this week. Well,
! I’ve had this photo ever since IWC called me
in to do a consult, whereupon I must have gotten confused
and done an insult, cause I’ve not heard from them in
about 6 months now. All they did was take a GST and drill holes
in it, paint a little yellow on the dial, and double the price
(all my suggestions, by the way!) and change the name.
I did suggest a name change but I guess they didn’t like DeepSeep.
They said it had connotations. I said ” the damn thing leaks”.
They said, “well you suggested the holes”. They
had me there
! That’s when I left. They can call the thing
whatever they like. I don’t care. I just don’t think a dive watch
should cost more than a dive boat.

everyone is off to Basel soon for the Watch Fair
and I understand that Richard “I’m off to Basel
Paige is taking his entire staff. All expenses
paid. Big Party. Free watches. First class accommodations. I
just know I’ll be receiving my travel package from him
any day now! Richard? Oh, Richard?


“Hey George, your
wife is on the phone”

was definitely back on his game this week with his Daniels
Coaxial Escapement
piece that appeared Wednesday. This is,
as he stated, a “horological event of some importance”!
You ain’t just whistling Muller, baby! All this talk about whether
to lube or not to lube has made me just giddy. As a matter of
fact, if I weren’t alone right now, I’d swear I was beside myself.
Seriously though, I think this is pretty exciting stuff as not
much ever actually happens in “watch world”. If IWC
can drill holes in a watch and get all of you excited, then the
announcement of this new escapement must have filled quite a
few hospital beds. That Omega is the one to bring this
to market is, in my opinion, fitting irony. As you know, Daniels
worked a long time to bring this development to the inside of
an actual watch.

Early prototypes were so large they
had to be tested outdoors – as seen in this early photo of Daniels
himself testing the amplitude of the balance, using himself as
the pallet fork. Not long after, he was able to make great

strides in miniaturization, as seen in this
later photo from inside his workshop – notice the

jeweled pivot atop the winding barrel. As Watchbore pointed out,
the truly great often gain their due late in life. And I would
add that no achievement of meaningful consequence is ever attainable
prior to the discovery of just how to actually pull it off.

Our friend
was back on the awards circuit
this week taking top honors once again in the ButtHead category,
with his “Am I missing something here?” post,
regarding the new TZ RGM watch. Hey dl, you are
a member of a watch forum. You should know what you are missing.
Perhaps you just wanted to see if we knew what you were missing.
I do! You were missing the damn point. We will pretend that you
just had another bad day.

We almost had a “Tracer”
Thursday over where to buy those Dubey & Scaldeddog
watches. Had it not been for Mike Margolis, who finally
hit the “shift” key and got us back over to the left
hand side of our screens, this could have been a full blown controversy,
thereby causing a re-write of my opening remarks. Thanks Mike!
In case some of you missed this little tete-a-tete, Mike Breinin
(who, due to an oversight on my part, has not been mentioned
here in 20 months) recommended Mike Gacki at Kenjo.
recommended Paris1925. The discourse progressed
as follows: “Forget Kenjo”. “Kenjo is cheaper”.
Kenjo is arrogant”. “Paris1925 ain’t even in Paris”.
“Uh huh”. “Huh uh”. “Can’t touch me”.
Don’t want to”. “Uh huh”. “Huh uh”.
Actually everything turned out OK, and to Tom Margulies,
who asked the question in the first place, allow me to clear
this up for you. I have talked to both Mike at Kenjo and
Tony at Paris1925 and they are both “stand-up”
guys. Give them both a call and go with your instincts. You won’t
be disappointed either way.

As you know, I have worked diligently for
the last ei8ht weeks, bringing you a re-cap of your life on TimeZone.
You comments have been weirdly positive and encouraging, and
what started as a one-time post has turned out to take on a life
of its own. While usually I spend only a very short time putting
these together, I am now finding that by the end of a week, I
am starting to feel the pressure of a “deadline”. As
a result, I think I will take some time off and revisit this
“wrap-up” thing at a later date. It’s been fun,
you’ve been wonderful, and TimeZone remains an extraordinary
place for me to be. I’m not leaving TimeZone. I’m simply giving
Ed a well-deserved break! And as I used to like to say before
they indicted me on “deviant behavior” charges, “Expect
me when you least expect me”!

That’s a wrap, folks. Not a final
wrap, but an effort to recharge!