TimeZone Wrap-Up – 3/8/99

First of all, I don’t know why I’ve decided to do this again. I have received
thousands of cards and letters this week from Zoners begging me not to
mention them in these wrap-ups, yet not a single one of them could produce any
evidence as to why I should not. One Zoner recounted how I have ruined his love
of watches, and in so doing, his life. Another said I turned Timezone into a
cheap, tawdry website, no better than www.RubberBondage.com
(hey, great site, thanks for the tip, Ed!). One woman told me how her
distraught husband had gone back to quartz because there was nowhere else to
turn; all truly heartfelt expressions of emotions. And the Europeans? Well, they
don’t say nothin’. They just lurk in the background with their smug technical
facts, waiting for the next unsuspecting soul to ask a legitimate watch question
– never even cracking a smile. So, with all of his positive feedback, LET’S

What a week! Reminds me of a visit to a mental institution when I was six
years old. It was my grandmother on my mother’s side. She wasn’t crazy actually.
Just needed a shock treatment. Back then they were the only places that did
them. Today we have Quentin Tarentino movies.

Remember all of the talk back in the late 70’s about biorhythms?
Well, you folks definitely hit a “triple critical” this
week. The only happy person on the forum was Richard Paige and he’s in
Hawaii. Not a peep, that I could tell, out of many of our old friends. Walt
was a no-show, OCD was inabsentia, Mario was conspicuously out of
view most of the week, and Mycroft, Watchbore, and Justin Time are
only fond memories. No one misses us until we’re gone! I bought a PP5035 because
of Mycroft, a Seamaster because of Justin Time, and I took up writing because of
Watchbore (Damn! Could that guy post!). “Where have you gone, Joe

Not only was the depression palpable this week, we had a few deaths in the
family. Stanley Kubrick passed away as did “The Yankee Clipper.
There were several nice words about Kubrick and I particularly enjoyed Aran’s
“Full Metal Jacket” recant about the jelly donut. Richard’s reminder
of Slim Pickens also brought a smile. The passing of Joe DiMaggio had a more
profound affect on me as I saw this as a loss of another of my childhood heroes.
I’m certain that someone else also passed on but just wasn’t able to let us
know. If I die, you’re not likely to know it unless you’re a Kmart stockholder
and then I suppose there is a good possibility they won’t even make mention of
it (Hey, I bought that fondue watch from A. Crewe!)

COME on PEOPLE! RISE and SHINE! Quit worrying about your watch
addictions, quit looking for watches with blue faces. Quit your pissin’ and
moanin’ that I (and the likes of me) have ruined TimeZone! Quit worrying that
you’re paying too much for watches. Of course you are! And quit worrying that Hans
is going to buy the Rado Watch Company. Hell, he already owns

We had an interesting reader survey this week, compliments of graiche.
He queried us about how we decide on which posts to read. There were 100
responses. 54% of the respondents said they did 4 (which was
actually a combination of 2 -read only posts containing full
frontal nudity and 3– read only posts written by respected
authors). 44% said they only do 2. 1% (loakim) said he did 3
and the winner, Victor Wong was the sole person to answer 1 (reads
everything ever written). Victor, all I can say is that you don’t have enough to
do. Call graiche next week and he’ll send you the watch you’ve won! If
you add up all of the numbers on this poll, the correct answer was actually 306,
which surprisingly wasn’t even a choice. I personally answered 2 so that the
“respected” authors wouldn’t know I was kissing butt. What kind of
poll was this anyway?

Speaking of full frontal nudity, Boon paid tribute this week to the Omega
Moon Watch
. His link took us to some beautiful photos of the infamous
Speedmaster, but another more obscure link that was hardly noticeable took us to
his secret Cindy Crawford photo archive. Not only was she not wearing an
Omega watch, she didn’t appear to be wearing much of anything. I just don’t get

Duncan McLeod got a “wee bit randy” this week. After
taking care of his problem he said he saw a Black SeaMonster. Hmmm. I usually
see stars! NLMKH

Ryan got bored in a meeting this week in New York and took an informal
watch poll. Turns out he was in a room full of lawyers and insurance people. The
per capita Patek population was scary. Scarier still was the company he
was keeping. Can’t you find a better group of people to hang out with?

eRIC must have also gotten pretty bored this week. His only
contribution that comes to mind was this: (_8(l). Definitely archive
material. Definitely Homer Simpson. Please Bulletin Board!

Peter was back this week. He’s still looking for one of those
“genetic employment ” buckles. I wish someone would post a scan of one
of these. Can’t for the life of me figure out what they are. Several of you knew
where to send him though.

There was a lot of talk regarding the new IWC ad campaign. Seems IWC
feels they need to get “cute”. I’m sorry to see this. I felt their
austere black and white ads had a certain “something” about them. They
were serious almost to the point of being unapproachable. They said, “here’s
a damn good watch but you’re probably too stupid to understand this”
. Phil
thinks the new campaign is a joke and I do too, although I need to
actually see it first before I pass judgment.

John wanted to know this week if we slept with our watches. Oh, boy. I
don’t, but if this is important to you then you might want to check out www.RubberBondage.com.
According to Ed, they cater to all sorts of things.

Loakim shared with us his new Zenith Class 4 that he bought from
Chiang Kai-shek this week and I guess it’s a pretty nice watch. Everyone got
twisted up over the mineral glass back issue, though. I don’t like the sound of
“mineral”. Reminds me of mineral oil. I imagine these backs dissolving
in high temperatures and then the movements falling out. Then what do you have?
Loakim, I’ll give you $200 for this watch and save you a lot of future
aggravation. You’re welcome!

Well, to all of you who hang out in these new exclusive little hoity-toity
forums Richard started, I’d just like to point out that the Rolex boys
are kicking your ass! I know that Richard told us this week that IWC had
taken the lead, but I personally believe this is just an anomaly. I paid my
first visit ever to the Rolex Forum this Thursday and it said there had
been 12,346 new messages since my last visit. I immediately got the hell out!
When I clicked on the IWC Forum, there had only been 4 new messages since
my last visit. You do the math. There hasn’t been a message posted on the Lange
since about the 23rd of Whenever and I don’t know what
those Minerva guys have to talk about! Minerva only makes about 4 watches
a year and they are all “limited editions” and “anniversary”
models. There are more people on the Minerva forum than there are Minerva
watches. And don’t even get me started about the JLC Forum. Those people hate
themselves over there. They just hang around worrying about where to send their
watches when they break and wondering why the guys in Virginia who work in the
IWC room do such a better job, blah blah blah. I look forward to the Patek
starting up so people can have a place to go to get on with their

Oh, and if all of this isn’t bad enough, good old Richard is going to start
more new forums based on languages. Now I will never be
able to find anyone. I spend most of my time on TimeZone now looking for people.
There are too many places to hide. I can’t wait until he starts one of these
language-based forums for those Swahili type people who click when
they talk! I can just hear it now. Click, click, click, click, click. I
can also see it now. I’ll click on that forum and it will click
back at me. The message will say “Welcome Back, Terry Russell. Since
your last visit there have been 138 messages, and about 42,000 clicks
Click, click, click, click, and click! Don’t get me wrong. I am certain I
would like these people. But who can deal with all of that clicking?

Everyone who bothered to show up this week wanted to know if the Omega
was going to Mars. OK, let’s assume it is. Now tell me this: how
in the hell is it going to get there?
Is someone going to Mars? I
don’t think so. We could strap it to the nose of a probe but when it flies into
gazillion pieces on impact, what are you going to think about that? Listen, if
this thing is no better than that Franck Muller Dive watch I bought and reviewed
recently, then I wouldn’t even bother.

Harry Gasthuis provided us with a wonderful review of the book, Reverso,
The LivingLegend
I figure this saved about 200 of us $6000. I am
putting my $300 down on the actual watch and hoping that MJ will offer
the book as a prize on the JLC forum. Seriously Harry, thanks for
this great post!

Flavio Maria spent all week trying to make a homepage. He downloaded about
120 gig of free software and blew out his motherboard (don’t you just love that
term?). By Friday he was so frustrated that he went to a neighbor’s house, got
on their computer, and cussed us all out! Hell, I’d let him have my homepage but
I have already listed it with a Real e-state firm and am about to sign a sales
contract. Flavio, just go to www.homestead.com
and build one there. They have made it pretty easy!

John Stancampiano asked us early in the week “Where can I buy
luminous compound that works?”
Now I don’t know about you, but this
implies to me that he has already bought some that didn’t! All I know is that
this stuff can be quite toxic and, since it only comes in 1-liter cans, one has
to wonder what this guy is up to. For God’s sake John, don’t be painting this
stuff on aluminum watches!

I understand from a reliable source that Wahoo and RobE have
patched things up and are now down in St. Martin opening up a pharmaceuticals
plant under the name Happy99, Inc. As I write this they are both living in a
barn near the beach and doing just fine. I think they are working on some of
those genetic employment buckles you people keep talking about.

Aran reported that the D.C. TimeZone get-together was a smashing
success. The local newspaper said it was the closest thing to a Rugby party that
they had seen in years! Now we have Vincent calling for all of the San
Diego zoners to get “united” (hmmm) and it is rumored that Frederick’s
of Hollywood
will be on hand, along with the Padres, to display next
season’s line of watch accessories. They will be modeled of course by none other
than our own Irene! Yes Graiche, you’re right. I want to look away but
just can’t! (Vincent, you are a damn good sport! J)

Speaking of Vincent, I received the first group of scans from DON this
week, who so generously offered to e-mail them to me one at a time until I had
all 1000. I figure I’ll have them all in about 3 1/2 years, not counting
weekends. Turns out that I should have been the one to ask what they “entail”
as I’ve yet to get one that actually contains a watch. Ed, I think you’d really
like these!

I’m going to close this week’s wrap-up on a request. I want all of you take a
day off and think about what your problems are. Then, when you return, I want
you to leave them at the door. No more whining! This is real life folks! This
ain’t no dress rehearsal. You have got to get a grip. And you better get ready
for those clicking people. They will be here before you know it!

That’s a wrap. Not a great wrap, but an effort to live up to my