TimeZone Wrap-Up©

Folks, where I am, it is

No rain since mid-May. The earliest 100 degree day in 19 years
(that would be 1980 for those of you on the metric system).
People here have all but stopped buying watches. Watch dealers
are selling watermelons to make ends meet. Watchmakers are repairing
irrigation systems. Watch collectors are just watching. Those
without pools are converting septic tanks to Jacuzzis and the
tobacco is smoking itself in the fields.

My house BEFORE the drought

My house NOW!

It is so
that cows have
gone mad and started blinding themselves with darts and yelling

Rolex has voided all warranties south of
the Mason-Dixon Line and east of the Mississippi River! This
is the first Wrap-Up© I have ever written completely
naked. Is that

enough for your A*S? I’m telling you people,

Know what I’m sayin’ here?


Leon vs dl – BMW Title Bout
E-V-E-R-Y S-I-N-G-L-E time Richard
goes out of town, the ButtHeads©

come out
of the woodwork and the Public Forum moves to Madison
Square Gardens
. Listen RP, if you can’t stick
around and run this place then you need to turn over the day-to-day
operations to Ed & I. We sort of figure that since we already
have the URL, we could actually turn this place into a pretty
decent watch forum!

Ed adds a comment: Click

“Raba 1, Raba 1. This is the tower. We have “tone”
and you are Bye-Bye.” KaBoom!!!


Speaking of fights, one surprise this week
was the return of that bon vivant, man about town, “I’m
gone forever”, Mr. John Raba. No sooner had he slipped
back in did an argument ensue regarding “bridges and plates”.
Turns out John thought he had signed on to DentalZone
in preparation of some much needed bridgework. Upon learning
of his mistake, he apologized profusely. Good-bye John.





I was
really hoping there would be no need to present the BUTTHEAD
this week, but it just didn’t work out. There
are so many willing participants that it just won’t go away.
This week’s contestants were as follows:

  • dl and
    Leon for their argument on the nature of global status
    seeking (see quiz below).

  • eRIC and
    for their pissy little episode that hardly even qualified
    for consideration (OK eRIC, I’ve mentioned you, now go do your
    homework) and last but not least,

  • Nr.6
    who inappropriately twisted a comment
    on gun control into a reason to start a fight, in the middle
    of someone else’s post. Bad form Oh Wizard of Numerology!

And the WINNER is: Nr.6
had this to say: Click Here …

It’s that time again Watch Fans!
It’s time for the….


Brought to you by The
Andrew Crewe Golf Club Screw Co®

“Hi, I’m Andrew. This is my chick. Grease my palm with
your money and she’ll send you your stick”

This week’s Quiz will test your knowledge
of watches in general and events of great specificity.

  1. In which countries can a Rolex
    be used as currency?

    A. Gibraltar

    B. Constantinople

    C. Virgin Gorda

    D. New York City

  2. Out of which Las Vegas hotel was Richard
    seen sneaking out of at 4:30a.m. Tuesday morning?

    A. The Henry Clay

    B. The Flaming O

    C. The El Cortez

    D. The Lady Luck

  3. Without which watch can an MBA never
    hope to have Social Status?

    A. Rolex Maritimer

    B. Rolex Mesmerizer

    C. Rolex Womanizer

    D. Rolex Socializer

  4. Without which car can a Rolex owner
    never hope to have Social Status?

    A. Porsche 1815 with Moon roof

    B. Mercedes 5035 – annual oil change on 1 March

    C. BMW 535I – with the Bvlgari Trim package

    D. Ford F150 Garbage Truck

  5. Out of which Business school is one likely
    to emerge coveting a Rolex?

    A. Wharton

    B. Duke

    C. Harvard

    D. San Bernardino Community College

Award yourself 5 points for each correct
answer and post your scores on the Public Forum Monday morning.
Score totals indicate your level of watch knowledge:

  • 00 – 05 points – You stumbled on to TimeZone
    by mistake

  • 06 – 10 points – Most likely, you can’t
    tell time

  • 11 – 15 points – Your fake Rolex is the
    best watch you own

  • 16 – 20 points – You are incapable of
    forming your own opinions

  • 21 – 25 points – You were with RP in Las

2-c, 3-d, 4-d, 5-a: srewsnA

One day this week Eugleana
wanted to know:

SeaMaster or


The SeaMaster is the way to go if
you spend a lot of time on the water and need an authority figure
in your life. The Moonie is a good choice if you enjoy
meeting people, selling roses along the side of the road, and
need a spiritual foundation. Either way you go, you’ll have psychological
baggage to deal with. You could just get a LIFE!

And now, the TimeZone Post of the Week©:

Post: “Hi.
I have $6000 to spend on a watch but I don’t know anything about
watches. I am going to buy the Patek Philippe, but if I do, will
I need to wind it?”

Response: Where
did someone like you get $6000? Are you by any chance in an assisted-living
facility in Anaheim? By all means, please go out and piss this
money away on a watch. Otherwise, it is feared you may purchase
something requiring gasoline or electricity, in which case you
could do yourself great harm. Once you have made your purchase,
please advise your counselor as to what you have done.

Now I know this wasn’t [name removed upon request]because he only had $1000 to spend and he’s probably Amadeus
Gould anyhow. Boon, aren’t you glad you live in Singapore?

We had what appeared to be quite a few
new people on the Forum this week. Let me be the first to welcome
you. Richard Paige is never around to welcome anyone.
He’s too damned busy travelling around trying to “change
the world”. If it can be changed from a cheap motel room
then I guess he’s the guy to do it.

But anyway, there was [name removed] (hi,
Eugenio) and there was Paul Peoples asking about the Portugieser,
there was Cantona asking which watches have 2892s (he
should have asked which didn’t), there was SawFish, bum
, a Jennifer Beck (we hope “she’s” female
for Stephanie’s sake) , a mffitz (who obviously needs
to buy a vowel) and a Michael Weinberg who is a first
cousin of Michael Friedberg and Manny Feinstein. We welcome you
and any others I may have missed to TimeZone, and look forward
to knowing you better as time drags on!

“Damn, where’s the mickey?”
It was a pretty tough week for me
as I got all “Stitched Up” on Monday during some silly
watch contest. Would someone please tell me what the hell “stitching
up” means? I know it’s another of those weird British sayings
but if you are going to have a global contest, at least give
a translation. Rovert won the watch, though I don’t think
he knows why. Congratulations Rovert!


had an interesting post regarding all of this, asking why you
should all “take the mickey” out of me (damn,
what does THAT mean?). He also called me a “lummox and
a tyrannical factory worker with a ‘trophy’ wife”.
don’t get good compliments like that everyday! Hell, I feel as
tough I won the contest. If you all do decide to take
the mickey out of me, I’d at least like to see it.

As most of you probably know, DON has
been working judiciously for the last couple of months building
himself a beautiful winder/cabinet combination. The official
unveiling the other day revealed a true work of cabinet and mechanical
artistry. Knowing that DON, a modest man, did not want to brag
too much about all of the many capabilities of his creation,
I am taking the liberty to show you just two other of its many
useful features:

1- After a hard day at the band saw, DON
relaxes with a pre-mixed libation!

“Honey, I told you clockwise!”

2- And on those occasions when DON
is out of town, Mrs. DON finds it just as useful (although
I will say that I thought most of these were “hand winds”):

“I can’t believe the money I’m saving on batteries!”

Beautiful work DON. Your talent and “attention
to detail” really show through!

Ok, so let’s recapitulate through some
old fashion confabulation. It was a pretty good week on TimeZone
but it was hot as hell for me. Richard was floppin’ in
Vegas trying to give knives to the Chinese (no wonder this guy
can’t pay me), Phil Baker had his “Day”
and then the numbers hit home, robby rob got pissed because
none of us have the ability to answer

we can’t understand (what do you MEAN by “non-jeweled”?),
Rovert gave up looking for sapphire panels when the authorities
raided his basement, Mike Strickland wanted us to know
that he dipped his pen in the neighbor’s ink 22 years ago and
was rewarded by his wife with a watch(now that’s one helluva
woman there Mikey), Gumby sent us to a German website
that none of us could read, William Massena© got
Duncan McLeod all randy with that tale of the AP black
OffShore (you rassle with him this time William), and MJ
took off for N.Y. to celebrate his birthday and that of his Lange
1. Happy Birthday ‘Ol boy! Hope you kissed old Balto’s butt!

Next weekend when I would ordinarily be
recording the posterity of your lives, I will be floating along
on the Atlantic Ocean, calibrating my moonphase beer cooler with
some good friends. Behave yourselves. My wife will be with me!

That’s a Wrap, folks. Not a synonym for
mickeys, but a lummox just getting by!

Special thanks to
Paul Delury for photographic assistance

T-Bone and Speener
Productions© Copyright This© 1999