TZ – Week 6/21/1999


Payne Stewart’s reaction when his drive busted the crystal out of a spectator’s Rolex! | OK, I’m back! Let’s Roll.
I’ve been very busy. Since we last Wrapped, I’ve attended the U.S.Open Golf Tournament, I celebrated Father’s Day, I went Yacht-ing (is a 32′ boat considered a Yacht?), I finally saw the temperature moderate, I found myself in the middle of 3-day rainstorm (on a boat, no less), and I entered, and almost won, another TimeZone Contest© (I would have won had any of my “friends” (other than Hans Z) actually voted for my entry!).
I also held down my “day” job, which often turns into my “evening” job, so that any of you, who care to buy new cars, can have that privilege. As it turns out, I’m a tooth on the cog in the wheel of the shaft that drives the pinion on the gear in the motor of our Car Industry. One false move on my part, and the economy is toast! But hey, would you have it any other way?
And lastly, but not leastly, I bought a new watch. A very rare and special watch. A very large and beautiful watch. A very gold and enameled watch. Yes, I think I almost bought the penultimate watch (actually, once I buy my next watch, it will be). She’s an IWC 5251. She’s the envy of the Kremlin and I call her “Lun-a-cy”. FSBO!
The first thing on my agenda this week is a comment about an earlier episode I dropped in on where things degenerated into comments about race and sexual preferences. This is not the place for such discussions and I don’t expect this to ever come up again. If any of you happen to be Thespians or Homosapiens then that’s Ok with me, but we do not come here to discuss such things. There are other websites that will meet your needs just fine.
This is a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” issue and it stops right here. If you need a forum to discuss these matters then please visit www.ActHuman .com! Have I made myself clear? The “Energy Creature” definitely rules you….
Click here…

“Proper attire is always appreciated on the Lange Forum” -Davis147 | Now, on to watches. The first thing I need to know is this: Does anyone who has bought a Lange in the last 6 months still actually own it? I dropped by the Lange Forum one day last week – I like to pop in on occasion and aggravate the hell out of ’em – and everyone had sold their watch! Foie sold his because he had two – why would you buy two of the same watch? – Walt Odets had his up for sale at a website – “redundant”, he said. Peter Chong gave his away – saying something in the metal made him itch – and then I find out that Richard Smith is scarfing these things up at about $1000 a pop and promoting them on eBay as the perfect “starter” watch. The only thing I can figure is that these guys are “collectors”, and we all know a collector can’t keep a watch longer than it takes to buy the next one. I guess I need to stop flashing that Patek Philippe around the forum. I think it spooks ’em!
I’m glad I wasn’t around much this past week or so because of all of the Surveys. I think you have all gone Survey crazy and it’s making me nutz.
But here are the surveys and the best responses:
- Worst thing to ever happen to your
watch Survey
– Lost it inside the neighbor
- Which arm do you wear your watch
on Survey
– The one not severed by farm equipment
- Are we being too protective of our
watches Survey
– Huh?
- How do you remove food from under
your crystal Survey
– Judge Crater’s Dremel Punch©
- Share a watch shopping experience
Survey
– My neighbor got pregnant!
- Has the Sales Corner gone
all to hell Survey
– Yes, and we pay Top Dollar! (Selekt jewlers)
- How do you feel about square
watches Survey
– They look best on Irene and her girlie-men
And the TimeZone Survey of the Week :
- How many watch “collectors”
does it take to keep a watch wound?
– It depends on the method of shipment!

“I can’t see damn it! I just can’t see. Do you really like my Rolex?” | In the Great Minds Think Alike category, we had a delightful discussion about Lasik© eye surgery and turns out Foie can now SEE. Perhaps that’s why he bought two of the same watch. He couldn’t tell what he was buying. Seems about 50 of you gave testimonials about your newfound eyesight and only Norman Lefkowitz got the joke. Stephanie whacked out so bad when she finally saw her Rolex, she up and bought a new car. Now we know how that accident happened out in California a few months back!
The TimeZone Lasik© Surgery Ward

Post Op Lasik Center Softball Team. Foie Gras, 5th from right. John Raba, 2nd from left. Not pictured, Ray Charles and the June Taylor Dancers. |
This is the only medical procedure I know of that promotes its own T-shirt sales! Please visit www.lasik.com if interested.

“You can’t go wrong with cats and rockets” -Rueben Lucius Goldberg, |
Let’s talk about this Rube Goldberg thing. Richard has a way of wrecking havoc on the Public Forum with his well-intentioned attempts at improving the group dynamic. What results though is yet another event in which I come away empty handed. You’ll notice that the other forums don’t let Richard hang around very much, and if he pulled these stunts with those Lange boys, his server would be back in Singapore in 24 hours.
As for the contest itself, any guitar picking computer graphics geek can spend hours programming shockwave animations on his girlie-friend’s website, but it takes real genius to do what I did in a mere 6.5 minutes. I mean I had it all. I had a rocket – no one else had a rocket. I had a cat – you can’t loose with a cat. I had alarms. I had an undulating, pulsating, throbbing, thoracic organ. I had one >hot babe and I had Hans! How do you loose with that combination? S-I-X and one half minutes and I get 7 lousy votes. I will show some mature humility and thank the following people who voted for me:
Karl – I don’t know Karl but his judgement remains above reproach. I say his vote was right on the Marx.
Alex – Even a busy game-show host took time to put his reputation in Jeopardy and vote for clearly the best entry
Scottie – evidently beamed up by someone, he chose to break ranks and yank the ‘ol Bone
dl – “Buttheaded” by me 32 times, he turns his cheeks and votes his heart, knowing that the best should win at any cost
Davis147 – just 3 weeks ago I “burned him a new one” yet here he is, willie in hand, stitching me up with his vote
Hans Zbinden – One of our most respected, sucked in by his own image, stood beside me until the very end, and finally
Ei8htohms – Even the victor, too embarrassed to vote for himself, sucked up the courage to vote for me, putting his own entry in peril, and insuring a mention in the next TZ Wrap-Up! Now that’s the mark of a true winner!
Congratulations Ohmie!!! Enjoy my watch! Ok, nice job!

John Toh, in protest of alterations made to the original rules of Golf – US Open, 1999 | This whole “contest” thing certainly brings out the best in most of you. Arguments ensue, you exhibit extremely poor form by voting for yourselves, and the lure of a free watch induces you to suffer your greed upon one another. Was there any surprise that John Toh protested the purity of form intended versus the results achieved? It’s times like these that make me glad to be alive!
The Sales Corner© certainly enjoyed its share of attention this week as you debated its purpose and how it should best be managed. Seems many of you are convinced that dealers should not be allowed to advertise blankets – can’t say I’ve ever actually seen one for sale – and I must admit that I’m a little tired of seeing those Selekt Jeweler adds offering to buy anything, but they did give me a pretty good price for an old set of Rolex tumblers with matching coasters. I’m sure whatever Richard decides to do about this issue will be ok, but what I’m really sick of is all of the “Please remove BB#xxx” posts. Now that is something to FIX!!! 
A typical day on the Sales Corner©. Richard Paige looks on as the dealers (orange) elbow out the collectors (blue). Is that our Stephanie? Where are the blankets? |
Anyone know where Jaeger is? I haven’t seen hide nor hair of him since I caught him over in the Rolex Forum waxing on and on about that GMT he recently purchased. Notice he didn’t bother to announce this on the Public Forum? Now I don’t care which watch any of you buy, but just don’t sneak around and do it! Here’s a guy who buys a Lange 1, rates it an 85, then goes out and buys a Rolex. This conflicts me mentally and contorts me physically.
My money on this deal is squarely with Selekt Jewelers. Jaeger, better hurry!
 An esteemed colleague of ours who shall remain nameless has taken to confiding aspects of his personal life with me. As much as I find this flattering, it has become a personal burden in that I am not always clearly prepared to know what best to tell him. He finds this note written by his wife recently and he sent me a copy, asking what I might make of it. Not wanting to recommend a course of action that would compromise their relationship, I bring this problem to you, the Forum, for further analysis. Please e-mail me if you have any ideas as to how I might help these people. That’s what TimeZone is truly all about – helping one another!
I hope you all have a great week. I hope Stephanie slaps the sh*t out of that little soprano bitch. I hope you forgive the absence of a ButtHead© Award – John Toh could have won it but he acknowledged his disruption in time to redeem himself, his Watch Wars Trilogy was a worthy contribution, and I am nothing if not forgiving. Jaeger could have won it for sneaking around with those Rolex guys but I don’t even know where he is. You have to be present to win. The thousands of you who did NOT vote for my wonderfully insightful Contest entry could have won it, but your actions were just too stupid to reward. I think I might just spend the next week or so over in the IWC Forum recuperating from this whole ordeal. Those folks over there have a little class and you don’t have to wear a tie!
That’s a Wap© you Weenies©! Not a hot dog bun, but a big ‘ol piece of me!

T-Bone and Speener Productions© Copyright This© 1999 |