“The TimeZone Wrap-Up is a mouthpiece for the Watchn*t

– Jerry Falwell

Week 5/17/1999

funnest (real word, I checked) thing about doing the Wrap-Up is that I can write
anything I want. It doesn’t even have to be about watches. So,
I’ll start this week by wishing my oldest brother, Mike,
a Happy 50th Birthday. Of course, this will mean nothing
to any of you, nor will a birthday wish here mean anything to
him, but I owe him a lot for the things that only a big brother
can provide; Playboy magazines, cigarettes and beer. Happy Birthday,
you ugly old bast*rd. You still owe me that $10.00!

There was a lot to report on this week
and I knew there would be. Like I’ve said, I know your patterns
and I can predict your behavior. This is the third week in the
month and by now you start rolling pretty good, but next week
there’ll be some hellacious arguments and fights. “Tracers”
will fill the Forum. Just wait and see. If I’m wrong, send me
your watch and I will service it for free. Allow 18 weeks for

TimeZone’s Question of the Week:
Are all the new people on TimeZone just old
Zoners who left and came back, or are they regulars who keep
changing their name?

What is it with the name changes? Should
I change my name? If so, what would you like it to be?
My family nickname has always been T-Bone. Would you like
that better? How about Amadeus T-Bone? Or, how about Russell,
the Love Muscle
? Would you like that better? I’m leaving
this up to you all, as it makes no difference to me.

TimeZone’s Rule of the Week
: Effective 1 June, 1999 you may get mad and
leave TimeZone 2 times within a 60 day period, and return without
penalty. After 2 times, you will be required to wait 30 days
before logging back on. If you attempt to log back on before
the end of the 30-day period, your name will be placed on the
“Watch Weenie” List and published here
in the Wrap-Up. If you try and log back on under a different
name, you will automatically be routed to WatchNet.com for
30 more days. This rule is retroactive back to whenever
I want it to be. Of course, you may avoid this rule altogether
by simply GROWING UP!

“I am sointly disappoynted
in myself but I DID make the Wrap-Up!”

In the “Destined to be Duped”
category this week, we had Davis147 trying to plagiarize
his way into a Wrap-Up. When I first read his post I got
so excited that I almost squealed. Listen, I don’t need to be
squealing! It’s unseemly. Then we find out from Nr.6 (is
this Nister 6?) that someone else wrote this wonderful prose.

But this is what I have since learned about
Davis147, as would be written in his on actual hand:

I am a creative pirate. I willingly
drop “trou” if it will further my purpose. I have been
known to overheat inside Canadian train stations. I have earned
fame as a woman, dressed as a man. On Wednesdays, I call in sick.
Last summer I dated an Amazon and she stuccoed me to a cello.
She gave me a case of prize-winning clams. I have eaten four
course meals using only a plastic tube and a Waring Blender.
Children see right through me. I have bounced large checks, tangoed
through Oxford, and stuffed large bangers in my shorts at the
shore. I have hurled in gardens, slept naked on bridges and I
have now been mentioned in a TimeZone Wrap-Up”

Hey Davis, good for you.

I was most proud last week when Hans
finally posted a “follow-up” to one of
my Wrap-Ups. Europeans have a different sense of humor – it’s
the food and the weather, I think – but now I felt as though
I had finally “arrived”. Yeah, he did post to let me
know that I should shut up about Basel, and he did give
me a ration about not mentioning his report on Basel,
but he did say he enjoyed the Wrap-Ups (yeah, right),
so I’ll just take the good with the bad and be glad to get what
I get.

Since we are on the subject of Hans
, I would like to post a report on his recent organization
of the Panerai Owners Group and welcome them as an organization
to TimeZone. Gumby was good enough to take a picture during
their first meeting and send it to me for this announcement.
We might expect great things from this group, but it wouldn’t
do any damn good.

” Everyone look this
way. No, this way. No, over here! Ok, don’t anyone blink. Hans,
no blinking! Now everyone say ‘O’!”

— photo by Paul Delury.

“I gotta (Uurrpp)
win. I just know I’m gonna (Uurrpp) win. Oh god, I’m gonna (Uurrpp)
blow. Get out of the house! (Uurrpp)”

We concluded bOB’s and Richard’s
little “contribution”contest last Sunday and
thank god MJ won. I have never seen anyone so anxious
to win anything in my entire life. He tried all week to sneak
in votes for himself. I thought at one point he was just going
to burst. As a matter of fact, we can see here just how swollen
with excitement he really was. Congratulations MJ. That was one
helluva contribution you made, but perhaps you need to set the
next contest out! I don’t think your heart can take it!

I personally would like to thank bOB
for my “Honorable Mention”. I especially liked
the accompanying note that said “No entry”.
No entry?! Who do you think wrote that driveling horsesh*t about
watches being a proxy for life itself? How they both have a “heart”
and how they should mean something special and
help carry our memories forward after we are dead?
Ok, I admit it. I had Davis147 find it for me,
but it was good enough to at least be considered an “entry”.
What do you people know? Sorry Davis. It made me

There are always a few people who find
it hard to contain their argumentative personalities. Just this
week, in the midst of all the accolades for the contest entries,
John Toh felt compelled to start an argument about ei8htohm’s
use of the word evolution. He just couldn’t leave it alone.
I know he tried, but the urge was just too great. Ok John, you
say there is no such thing as evolution, but answer me
this: If evolution indeed does not exist, then why did my Grandmother
end up with a moustache, and my Grandfather grow boobs? Huh?
Where’s your damn “bee” theory now, Big Toh?

John Toh seen evolving an idea
combining music, dance and semantics that obviously could go
either way.

photo previously banned
on TimeZone

“Mike, I just don’t
understand how Nardin gets COSC without regulation, and I’m not
putting my arm down until you tell me”

Mrs. Mike Disher

We announced our newest Watch Forum
this week, Ulysse Nardin, hosted by that Nardin
of all Nardins, the indubitable Mike Disher. Originally
from another state, Mike moved his family to their present location
in an attempt to have them feel as though they were somewhere.
His interest in watches began about the time he started seriously
collecting them, and his fixation on this Nardin stuff stems
from the fact that he never served any meaningful time in the
United States Navy. He is a highly qualified individual who will
certainly bring something to a forum which so many know so little
about. Join me in welcoming Mike and his family to the area.
And be sure to read his great review on the “1846”
if for no other reason than just to see Paul’s photography.

It’s much less “fleshy” than
it used to be!

Well if this doesn’t change Walt Odets’
mind about Rolex then I don’t know what will:

picking a “you-know-what” out of a “let’s just

“Martha, get me that Odets fellow
on the phone. By god, I see what he means! No, never mind Odets,
call that damn Strickland and tell him to come get this piece
of crap. Hell, Martha, even I can do better than this!”

I received
my first watch compliment this week while in New Yawk. I flew
up Thursday morning for an afternoon meeting, hoping I would
have 2 hours to shop for some decent watchstraps – something
of a rarity in North Carolina. Of course, I arrive at my final
destination with about 15 minutes to spare, so no watch shopping
was going to occur this day. After a luncheon, I slipped off
to the bar for a quick coffee, and while minding my own business
I hear “that is a very nice watch”. I turned to the
person next to me and looked at her quizzically and she pointed
at my wrist and asked, “What kind of watch is that? It is
very handsome.” Totally dumbfounded, I told her what is
was and asked if she liked watches and she said “No, not
particularly, I just happened to notice yours and it looked different.”
Well, at least I got to babble on incoherently for about 10 minutes.
I could tell she was real impressed with my watch knowledge when
she reached down, strapped her leg back on, and walked off in
mid-sentence. I figure that’s it for me on the “compliment”
front for about another 40 years!

All in all this was a very good week on
TimeZone. There was the usual array of polls, the “Redneck”
piece was cute, the “Mike Strickland” string
was pretty funny – be careful here, you are starting to want
to like this guy. We helped, or tried to at any rate, to see
that Stephanie looks presentable when she goes to get her gavel
next week and Jaeger pointed out that our next forum should
be the “We don’t need no more stinking forums”
forum. Jaeger will of course act as moderator. I heard not a
word from Foie Gras this week, which after last week’s
photo, pretty much means I’ve shot that friendship in the a*s!
There were some great contributions made during the contest mentioned
above and I know I speak for everyone when I say thanks for the
hard work. MJ, enjoy that watch! Paul Delury, enjoy
those doilies! Mach5 reminded us not to feed the “Energy
but you know you will anyway. Jim C.
told us his watch was gaining 20 minutes a day and Bill Stonehill
suggested he take it off while operating his jackhammer.
I could have almost thought of that! So, all in all, I hope I
caught as much as I missed, but I need to tell you now that next
week I will be on vacation for a few days will be unable to do
a Wrap-Up. So until you see me again, expect me not to be here
when you’re looking!

That’s a Wrap, folks. Not a one-eyed wrap,
but an effort to evolve.

T-Bone and Speener Productions
– Copyright © this! 1999