“Since everything is in our heads, we had better not
lose them.”

— Coco Chanel

Week 5/10/1999

As the second week of another month, the
mood around TZ was predictably laid back with little or
nothing to grab hold of as a theme. I have made careful observations
of your behavior since these Wrap-Ups started, and I can
pretty much predict what will happen here based on the dates.
The difficulty in putting together a Wrap-Up during such a period
is often insurmountable. To demonstrate what I go through, for
you, each week, I paid good money to have myself videotaped doing
an actual Wrap-Up. Please “click” on the following

doing a Wrap-Up

CCS demonstrates his formula
based on the Master Bates model, wherein “force x stroke
= load”
In the “I just can’t
let it go”
category, CCS engaged us in the
biggest controversy of the week, with his tenacious effort to
prove, once and for all, that Walt Odets was basically
deficient in his knowledge of isochronism. (

See what happens around here when things
get slow?)
So anyway, CCS used a lot
of energy equalizing his derivatives and mustering up a sinusoidal
forcing function, giving most of us a headache and throwing poor
Mario Picanco into an epileptic seizure. Drawing from
his referenced expert, some person named Master Bates,
CCS displayed steel balls (5 to be exact) in even taking on the
Odetster. While at one point CCS did briefly concede
his point, he was back soon enough. Following is a distillation
of their encounter:

Walt, what about $/frac{x}{T} =frac{0.02}?

Walt: So?

CCS: But
Walt, $L = 271/2$!

Walt: I
don’t care.

CCS: But
Walt, I read this in a “non-local” library. I had to
walk across a river, damn you!

Walt: Well,
I just looked at a watch, so bite me.

Walt Odets watches as students
prepare the isochronograph.

I think this all turned out OK but it didn’t
do a lot for my interest in isochronism, assuming I ever had
any in the first place. I did enjoy learning that you can make
$21/2$ the first 12 hours, but will likely loose it back
during the last 12. Wish I had known that the last time I was
in Vegas.


“Outta my way,
Patchboy. I’ma comin’ on through” “Ha! Too late Spitlip,

I done cornered this market”

Well, well. Old Judge Crater has
got himself a little competition in the polish business this
week when Tom Joad showed up hawking his new website, “double u, double u, double
u, dot spit shine dot com


I hear this new stuff works purty dadgum good
but at $19.95 it’s a little pricey for my taste. Here we see
Tom and Judge locked in head-to-head competition over our business.

We had a brief but interesting string Wednesday
about what actually constituted a “Railroad” grade
watch. DON started the discussion and then old Richard
“Don’t try and tell me about Railroad watches”
Paige chimed in, followed by Frank ” I
like to use the little f”
ferrar who wrapped
it all up in a neat little bundle for posting on the Bulletin
If you don’t think these watches were important, then
just take a look at this:

“Where the hell
is Russell? Would someone go find Russell? I bet his damn watch
stopped AGAIN!”

You may recall we received a letter this
week from Blancpain advising the status of their relationship
with Time Products, Inc, their U.S. distributor. Taken
on the surface, it was a nice enough letter, but under careful
legal scrutiny, it really said a lot more. If you missed Jaeger’s
well-written “Reading between the lines” post
then you should try and find it before it cycles off of the Public
. Speaking of reading between the lines, I got
all excited Tuesday when I saw the TZ WebStaff post announcing
that the TimeZone Wrap-Ups had been archived. “Archived”,
they said! Consolidated in the Archives!
Wow, was I lookin’ good now, or what? I figured the next step
was definitely my own “button”! But Noooooooo.
Here is what the post really said, reading between the lines:

“TZ Wrap-Ups are archived in “Articles
from the TZ Community”

We have moved this crap
off the Bulletin Board to make room for real information!

“The TimeZone Wrap-Ups from the
Jester of all Jesters (Terry Russell) have been archived in “Articles
from the TZ Community”.

We have hid this garbage,
written by that idiot Terry Russell, away from what we consider
to be normal people

“They can be accessed
from the home page.”

Sure, they can be accessed,
but we have buried them so deep in the archives that you’ll tire
before you find them.


Screw you


Richard & Ed

Our friend, dl, will be pleased
to know that this week’s ButtHead Award goes to
another recipient. Our other friend, Gumby, was kind enough
to make me up an official certificate for this award but I had
him put dl’s name on it permanently and now it is no longer applicable.
Yes, I am as surprised as anyone! I will now ask Gumby to change
it to a more generic certificate that can be used for any of
you who desire to show your butts in public: “Gumby,
will you please re-do the certificate since there appears to
be more than just one ButtHead among us?”
There. Now
that’s out of the way. Are you happy? So without further adieu…this
week’s award goes to White Rabbit, who pissed off every Omega
owner on earth this week (and there are a lot
of them) with the following post:

He even rubbed in the fact that the SpeedMasters
come equipped from the factory with one of Neil Armstron’s
hairs. Who the hell is Neil Armstron? Does he work in assembly?
The bracelet department? Well anyway, old Bianco de HareBall
was placed in a “Witness Protection “ program
on Thursday to insure no harm would come to him (you don’t screw
around with these SpeedMaster people) but unfortunately an angry
mob took matters into their own hands, as evidenced by the following
before & after photos.



Those of us who would condemn such action,
wish you a “Speedy” recovery. Yuck, Yuck,

Hey, let me break here for just a moment
and ask your help on something. A part either fell off of, or
out of, my watch the other day. It still seems to run fine and
it hasn’t gained or lost a second in the last 48 hours, but I
can’t, for the life of me, figure out what it is. I’ve looked
in all my books but they don’t show it. BTW, the watch is fairly
new. This has happened to me before. Come to think of it, one
of these has fallen out of the last twelve SpeedMasters
I have purchased. I have a whole drawer full of these damn things
and Omega swears they don’t know what I’m talking about. If you’d
like one, send me a Telex and I’ll post one off to you
right away. Damn!

I felt really
good this week over the impact of last week’s Editorial
. If you will recall, I was just a little disappointed
in the lack of news coming back from Basel. I admit I came down
pretty hard on this issue and I’m certain I embarrassed more
than a few of you. Well so be it. It didn’t even do that much
good anyway. So far all we have had are about 20 posts of the
same damn photo. You know what I think? I don’t think any of
you actually went to Basel. I think you had Foie Gras
send you a brochure that just happened to have this picture
on it. I’d sure like to know where you really went so I could
smear it all over the Internet. Oh yeah, and you know I would

Mike Disher
is the only person so far whom I believe actually went to Basel.
He just couldn’t have made up that story about his wife shopping
for shoes in Paris. Believe me, I know.

Mike did get me an action photo while in
the great hall, but he never did go by and kiss any serious butt
for me at the Patek Philippe & Cie exhibition
(you can’t call it a booth!). He took most of his pictures over
at the U.Nardin booth showing them his “1846”,
like they had never seen one before! All I wanted was a picture
of one of the Sterns (preferably Brigitte, the one with the
real nice repeating rockers
) but he did manage to get one
extraordinary shot showing the camaraderie between Walter
and Philippe Stern. I think it is wonderful
for the watch world that these two great men hold each other
in such high regard!

“Hey Stern, I’ve got your chantons hanging, old buddy! I’m
coming after you’re skinny little 3/4 a*s. Anglage this!”

Speaking of Foie Gras, in case you
don’t know, he’s still on his tour of Europe. “Spring
Tour 99″
is how I think he is referring to it. Last
week we saw him charming a group of beautiful women in Florence,
but this week we found him relaxing in his villa in
the Alps. I don’t know. Based on the swelling in his left hand,
I’d say it looks like he may have been playing polo. They don’t
camel race in Austria, do they? We’re looking forward to having
you back and we know Lizzie is too! Keep those travel
logs coming!

“I’ve got everything I need right here, but I am looking
forward to the ‘little’ things again.”

that about does it for me this week. I would like to mention
that we had a couple of birthdays on the Forum – Mike Gacki
and Ibrahim Imamoglu – we all certainly wish you both
the best. Leehu Z. did post a nice piece himself on Basel
and I thank him for that. Our old friend, Mike Breinin
became completely jaded and now can’t find any watch he likes
(you’ll recall what happened to John Raba). RP and
boB have this contest going on that we will surely hear
more about and I might even mention it a future wrap( especially
if I do or don’t win). StevenW wanted to know why he can’t
buy a Zenith TV in the States anymore – basically they
suck, that’s why. Paul Delury went crazy one day and posted
about 75 photos of watch backs. That was exciting. There have
just been so many, many great things happening to all of you
that I can’t mention them all. I wish I could but I won’t. So
take care and have a good week and maybe next time we’ll answer
the question, “Is Manny Feinberg any relation to Michael

That’s a Wrap, folks. Not a Basel
wrap, but a stab at Isochronyism!

T. Russell

Copyright 1954 – property
of Appalachian State University