by Paul Delury

It was dark and stormy night. The sort of night no decent CITIZEN would be out. The knocking at the door was loud enough to wake even an old FOSSIL like me. In fact, whoever was out there was making one hell of a RAKETA. A scream PIERCE‘d the air! My PULSAR raced – it sounded like trouble! It seemed like an ETERNA passed before the noise died down. I VENTURA‘d to the door and peeked thought the KEYSTONE hole. What I spied chilled me.

I finally got MINERVA back, and opened the door. It was a woman, a beautiful woman, the sort of woman that made you think of SINN. She’d been attacked by someone. I thought I might have to call the cops so they could TAG HEUR & CARTIER her off to the morgue. Then she moved, and let out a low GRUEN. She was alive! I couldn’t take her to the hospital, as I didn’t have ENICAR. I bought her into the office and gave her a stiff one, a drink that is, I’m too much of a GERALD GENTA for any funny business, at least while she was ILLINOIS. She was only a JUNGHAN, early twenties by my guess.

“Mind telling me who you are, Toots?”, I asked.

“The name’s TIFFANY” she shot back, wincing with the BLANCPAIN. “I just flew in from GENEVE on the CONCORD to hire you. OMEGA for you to find my father. He was kidnapped by a couple of toughs by the names of BELL & ROSS. I suspect it was those two who just DOXA‘d me on the head, to stop me seeing you.

I figured she was feeding me a load of BULOVA, and I told her so., “Look, Toots, HUBLOT a lot of hot air, and I don’t have the time FORTIS!”

VALJOUX think I’m lying do you? Well! Then I MIDO‘s well leave!”, she retorted.

“Calm down, Toots”, I said, “Just SWATCH yourself! You TUDOR thought up a better story. I saw those two hoods, and they were VACHERON & CONSTANTIN, a couple of heavies for the Mob that run this SECTOR of town. Tell me the truth!”

“OK, OK”, she sobbed, “You’ve just got to help me! I’m going around the SOUTHBEND worrying about this. I’ve lost my watch!”

“Whoa! Just a SEKONDA, Toots, what sort of watch was it?”, I asked, fearing the worst.

“It was a lovely diamond encrusted ROLEX!”

She said it as though it meant a lot to her. I didn’t have the TIMEX for nickel & dime cases. I had to set the kid straight.

“Look, Toots, you should SEIKOp rofessional help. You go around talking like this and it’ll only hasten your ETA with a padded cell, and if you go to the cops the judge will INVICTA and throw away the key!”

I hated to treat the kid this way, but there’s gotta be some deCORUMabout these things.