TimeZone Wrap-Up

Week 3/15/99

I want to start by saying how proud I am of all of you for re-evaluating your lives, and deciding to bring a more positive face to the Forum this week. As Spring breaks across the back of a cold, wet winter, I see light once again piercing the dark clouds of discontent, illuminating our desires, and warming us with expectations of surprises yet to come. Oh, Sweet Basel, what treasures do you hold for us this year? Will it finally be that Patek with a moonphase so large as to obscure its very own hands, or a Lange so perpetual that its gold of rose will blind the eye? Or a mere Omega perhaps, black as a starless night? The anticipation grips our hearts and we make ready for the sacrifice that comes with each new harvest, insuring that by Solstice we’ll be barren of all riches, lest what lay upon our wrists. (Say What?! )

First thing on the agenda this week is a little housekeeping. To begin, let me apologize to Ioakim whose name I misspelled 12 times last week. I mean, it’s not enough that I increase his recognition ten fold, but now I’m expected to spell his name right too. As humiliating as it was to have this innocent oversight plastered across the Internet, I do most humbly apologize and declare you I-O-A-K-I-M, Lord of all Spelling. I also promise never,ever to mention you ever, ever again in one of these wrap-ups. So, what about the watch? Do we have a deal?

Let’s see. Who got new watches this week? Well, Loakim got a new Zenith Class 4 with a mineral oil back and, wait, that was last week. Boon got a 5026 – more on that later- and Paul Schliesser got himself a vintage Minerva and RobR got a Jumbo Nautilus, all nice watches if you don’t mind the lesser brands. Paul gets a new watch every week, so I expect him to post one of those “watches just don’t do it for me anymore” pieces in the near future. Last week’s Ventura purchase quickly faded once the Minerva arrived and when next week’s watch shows up I expect a rapid slide into pen collecting. Hang with us Paul!

I forgot to mention a couple of milestones among our minions last week. Kjell became a grandfather to a Norwegian-American baby boy (a Norwe’can, I think) and we all know how exciting a new birth can be! Richard Paige and I are about to launch the new TimeZone Daycare Forum (www.poopydiaper.com) so that those of us with children will have a place to put them when we are online. While we expect to be able to offer this service for free, we will require you to furnish your own diapers, wipes, and juices, and we ask that you help us keep the kids out of the Chat Room and off the Sales Forum. Congratulations, Kjell and our best regards to William and Ingvill!

Speaking of getting blistered, we had a post this week from Mrargon, worried about his watch being too loose. The things you people worry about! Seems he and a buddy killed off a bottle of Maker’s Mark whiskey while watching TV and both ended up in tears. Can’t you just see two grown men setting around drunk, in their underwear, crying about their watches being too loose? “What are we going to do?” says one to the other. “Don’t ask me”, comes the response. “You’re the one thatbrought this up”.Then you just better get the hell out of my house”“Well, OK, but let me put my pants on first”. Boo Hoo Hoo.

If that wasn’t bad enough we had LH asking something about which side of the wrist bone we wear our watches on. Wrist bone! Where do you people come from? Have you just started wearing watches? Listen, this ain’t real complicated folks. Just strap the damn thing on and wear it. Shouldn’t this be intuitive? Makes me wonder where I’d find the zippers on your pants. Maybe Mrargon and his buddy don’t have wrist bones, but unless their hands are gone too, they should be able to figure out how to keep a watch on their wrists. If you hear a “clunk”, then pick your watch up and start over. You need to put your watch hobby on hold until you at least master the basics. Is there an orthopedic surgeon on the forum? Wrist bones? I guess next we’ll read “What eye do you look at your watch with”!

Back to Boon. I like this guy! He has impeccable taste in timepieces and understands the difference between true hand craftsmanship and those watches produced on the “World’s Most Advanced Equipment”. Now don’t get me wrong. He doesn’t enjoy a hair in his watch any better than the next guy, but when he straps on a Patek, any Patek, he knows he is strapping on a hair off the head of one of the world’s greatest watchmaker’s. Boon, I absolutely love your new 5026, but I’ve just got to have it with the chocolate dial. Are there any brunette watchmakers left at Patek? Are you any kin to Daniel Boon?

Additional evidence that positive forces were back in control this week, was the very excellent behavior displayed during the lengthy string on the Grey Market, started by Eugenio. In order to save you the trouble of having to go back and read all of this, I will summarize. Mark agreed with Ross. Reid agreed with Mark. John agreed with Eugenio and Dan agreed with Richard. Don agreed with Dish and Jaeger agreed with Marvin while Danny agreed with Mike and Ed agreed with Kevin. Gerard agreed with no one and Lizzie licked her butt. Usually these long strings end in a big fight that, as you know, trail off the screen (these are known as “Tracers” – I just made that up) so I’m very proud of everyone involved (except Lizzie) for remaining so professional!

Don Williams engaged us in a string about time travel. Guess you gotta figure this would come up from time to time. While nothing of any real value ever comes out of these discussions, Foie Gras did observe that all stupid, rich people are from the future. The paradox of course is that once we arrive in the future, they’ll all still be there, so how will we account for that? I think this is the real question: If stupid people who end up rich are the happiest people in the world, do rich people who end up stupid spend too much on watches?

Following are the Forum scores for the week: Rolex-182, IWC-84, JLC-77, Minerva-63 and Lange-28. The NAWCC Finals will be coming up soon and if you don’t already have tickets, forget it. This has been a sellout event for weeks. This year’s tournament will be held at the Cow Palace in South San Francisco, Northern California’s “Largest Industrial City” (it says that on a hill overlooking highway 101) and while there, please make plans to tour the Watch School campus. If you need hotel reservations, or just someone to talk to, please call Paris 1925 at their toll free number listed in their website. The Germans have agreed to a double elimination format this year and the Swiss are pissed! I have no idea what that meant, but this should be one helluva tournament! See you there!

I see William Massena was feeling much better this week after hitting a 30-year watch low on Saturday. If this guy can’t get wood over a watch, who can? Seems he was going to have to spend all day sitting at a table with that Dowling fellow surrounded by all of those Rolexes. This could have indeed brought on a bout of mild depression. To boost his spirits, Michael Friedberg posted him a scan of an old military piece (Mildred, I think it was) and he got right turgid. He felt so much better by Tuesday that he and Hans gave us lessons in how to pronounce “Lange”. Here, let me try: Luuuuuuuun-geh. I also like Narrrrrrr-Dinnnnnn. And how about: Laaaaaay-Cooollll-Trraaaaayyy. And my personal favorite: Tooooooo-Teeeeee-Maaaaaaa! Glad to see you’re feeling better William! It unnerves me a little when guys like you get depressed!

Will someone please tell me this? What is the deal with SKW? Here they are, embroiled in international conflict over watches, with Switzerland and Nigeria threatening troop deployment, yet I understand that, just this morning, the UN Security Council met in special session to investigate this company’s underwear operations! What is it with the damn underwear? Pens I can understand. Does the underwear also come from Nigeria? What about the pens? Where do those come from? If I get a hole in my underwear will the manufacturer honor the warranty? Does anyone know if Nigeria is Y2K? How does this stuff happen? How many of you are also picking up 3-packs of briefs along with your watches? And why don’t they return messages? Damn! Are we taking it in the shorts here?

How many “Boxsters” would it cost me for someone to nudge Eugenio Demmenie off of this Boxster thing? He’s gone crazy converting everything to Boxsters. He’s already tried to buy a vintage Patek with half of a Boxster but couldn’t find a taker for the other half. He’s traded one Boxster for about a 10-year supply of food, asphalt roofing and old Benrus watch boxes, and is now trying to work out a deal with his mortgage company. What I want to know is how many watches can I get for this puppy:

You don’t see many Hillmans this nice anymore!

Eugenio, want to trade?

Matrix polled us Monday on which watches our watchmakers wear. I don’t think I have a watchmaker. I would like one though. If I buy a watch from Richard Paige, does that make him my watchmaker? Do we have to tip these people at Christmas? So, what do watchmakers wear? The answers weren’t all that impressive. Surprised? Drive by your painter’s house. That will clear it up for you.

Wednesday, Walt A. posted nicknames for watches. Oh sure, we have Connie, Speedy and Oakie, as well as Patty, Tillie, and Nardy. But what about Wormy, Twit, and MoFo? And don’t forget Seamy, Mully, and Bulbous. I guess these new TimeZone watches Richard just unveiled will be known as Teezers (anniversary Teezers). My all-time personal favorite is “Lying Little B*tch” attributed to that F. Muller Dive Watch I bought, although I sometimes call her Mully. Either way, she’s definitely my baby!

KAV asked us this week if he should buy a watch he can hardly afford. Listen here son: that’s like asking a bar full of drunks if you should take a drink. If you want a straight answer, find yourself a bar full of drunks and ask them if you should buy a watch you can hardly afford! KAV’s dilemma prompted Stephanie to poll us on our watch expenditure/income ratios. There again, right question, wrong audience. Go find a bar full of drunks. And when you do, please ask Andrew why he tried to trade his wife’s car for a golf club!

Speaking of Stephanie, we have a big Uh Oh! here. Seems she’s already thinking about buying another watch. Uh Oh! I think it was only just a month ago that she told us she would probably never buy another watch, that the BP2100 was it for her, and that she couldn’t quite understand why we all had to have so many watches! And now we find her tapping into these strange rationalizations we fabricate to justify our desires, such as the one Brian Yee uses, wherein he figures he can buy watches since he doesn’t have tuition expenses for any children. My own personal rationalization allows me to buy watches in lieu of paying alimony to three women I never married. All I can say Steph, is Uh Oh!

Ioakim, (did I get that right?), has a 10% off sales coupon from www.NewWatchesMyAss.com, if anyone is interested. I would use a little caution here, as I have heard of problems using these electronic discounts. Often their serial numbers have been removed and on occasion, they can actually be fake. As James Dowling likes to say, “you’re selling out the buyer” on this one folks. I’d check out Ioakim pretty closely too, as sensitive people can often be malicious! Thanks I-O-A-K-I-M, Lord of all Watch CouponsJ)!

In closing this week, I do have to express one bit of disappointment regarding last week’s wrap-up. If you recall, and you will recall, I inserted a fictitious URL – www.RubberBondage.com into my post. Even though I assumed the majority of you would pass right over this, I did embed a counter and an address register in this link just to see who the true sickees were. For a complete listing of who hit this and how many times, please contact me via e-mail and I will tell you how you may obtain this information. There will be a nominal charge of $10 and I can promise you this: If everyone who hit this site sends me $10, I’ll soon have one of those Luuuuun-gehs you all think so much of! I am very disappointed in you people! But I like the way you’re thinking!

That’s a wrap. Not a Christmas wrap, but an effort to preserve history.